Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Self-Reflection

By Edward Alex Lively


For awhile I've been doing my own thing.  Not working on any stories such as writing on either my sci-fi or my fantasy short, nor have I been doing very much editing on the latest entry in my Southern Gothic Tales series.  

Why?  I've mostly been feeling in a bleh like mood.  It doesn't help either I do all my work from a tablet.  If it's worth anything in a pinch of salt,  I am halfway through the story; editing it I mean.  The story is only about a hundred pages or so.  What I've done so far is along the way is remove a lot of unnecessary dialogue, such as redundant or repeated dialogue that was just switched around.  Slimmed down the paragraphs as much as I possibly could while attempting to maintain my attention to environmental detail that I highly favor.  

When I set out to write a story I do so with the mindset that I am writing the type of story I would enjoy reading.  Whether it's full of jumps and scares or not.  Whether it's got a predictable plot or not.  The point is to enjoy the story and all characters contained within.  That is my ultimate goal which I hope to achieve with my readers; that they simply enjoy the trip.


***Distractions***


As of recent though I've been distracted by some memories from long ago.  Some violent horrendous memories, that every time I believe I've buried them in the deepest crevasse of my mind they reappear.  If it's not the torrential abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of my racist father then it's the abuse I suffered at the hands of two other family members.  Then there was also the relentless and almost never ending bullying I had the luxury of enduring through all four years of my high school career.  On at least on occasion I burst into a large pool of tears in the counselor's office, practically drowning myself thanks to my fellow peers.  I managed to see a few of them years back.  For the record they're still assholes.  Perhaps these memories wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that when they manifested themselves, they also brought with them extreme violent thoughts.  Twisted desires regarding ideas of a hellish revenge I'd like to suffer upon my former tormentors, hand delivering karma at its finest.  

The thing that made home life and school life during my freshman-senior year even remotely tolerable was one simple thing.  A person rather that kept me from saying, Screw this!"  It was an ally and the only true ally I had at the time.  I doubt I'll ever find another like her either.  My ally was a psychotherapist specially assigned by the school.  It was she who helped me make it through my high school years.  There was nothing I didn't tell her, and that was mainly because I couldn't tell my parents.  Simply because of the way they were treating me I didn't trust them.  And why should I have trust them? Please tell me.  When you throw your thirteen year old son out on the back porch in near freezing temperatures, after stripping him of all his clothing save his briefs and tell him he can come back in when he can act *white.*  Please tell me.  Would you trust a man that calls himself your father? 


***Wisdom Teeth-The gift that keeps giving!***


As you know I had my wisdom teeth out over the summer.  Due to further complications before and after the tooth surgery and from the dentist being a colossal jerk, I then had to visit a new dentist so I could have two more teeth removed.  Two of my molars.  Well fast forward later to this point in time and now the previous dentist is now harassing me over a bill which I do not owe him, not to mention he's also threatening me because I left a negative review, which is only based on my personal opinion of my visit to his office.  The dentist which I won't name here for legal reasons because I believe he is stalking my social media profiles, has demanded I remove my negative review or else.  Anyone that knows me well enough by now knows I don't give in to threats, blackmail, or extortion for that matter.  Enough about him.  

I say enough because for the last three weeks ever since he started bothering me I shrunk into a shell and hid out in the darkness of my apartment.  That's what I've what always done when someone tried to intimidate me.  I would run away and hide because I knew what would happen if I continued to stick around.  Eventually it started turning into hulk smash because I got fed up.  That's not the answer though; hiding.  You must confront your tormentors but I believe only through peaceful means which is the way I practice, or at least I try to when I can.  


****Civil Rights***


For those of you that know me intimately, you know that civil rights is one thing I care deeply about.  It's also a subject that if I feel my rights have been violated I won't hesitate to stand up for.  A few months ago I am ashamed to admit I had yet again another nervous breakdown.  That sounds a lot better though doesn't it than saying I was entering a stage of mania and was about to start acting bipolar psychotic?  Just about every time I think I've got my illness licked I get thrown into a tailspin.  So much for being so proud and having a decent handle on things huh?  Good thing I can adapt!

My point of mentioning this is because as I felt when my rights were violated and I was lightly physically assaulted by two members of the staff at Southern New Hampshire hospital I made a complaint.  Nothing was done and no calls regarding any action was performed.  A call and email to the American Civil Liberties Union was not returned.  I then contacted the local police department.  Well because of lack of bruising the officer said it would be a he/she said case.  He said file a suit to get the attention drawn to the issue.  I did on the advice of the officer file suit in fact and brought it to small claims.

I won't go through case history here but to sum up what happened it basically was dismissed for failure to state a claim.  The hospital had it moved to federal court whereupon a federal judge sided with the hospital basically stating my rights weren't violated, therefore in my opinion giving Southern New Hampshire the green light to man handle patients.  And in case you're wondering...this resulted because I wrote a  partial short story while there and a member of the staff asked to read or hear what I wrote then freaked.  As always I never have nothing to hide nor no reason to lie.  I believe in complete transparency as I have nothing to lose by telling the complete and god's honest truth.  

The lesson I learned from this basically is civil rights are respected it seems if you are in either the right circles or you have enough money to make enough noise.  I am but one person and I write and share this blog with you in hopes that what I have experienced will never happen to anyone else ever again.

That's why I want people to know.  If no one knows and the shame regardless of whatever it may be stays in the dark then nothing ever changes.  I want a better world.  I want a world where we all can live together and respect one another openly as full equals, not just part-time equals when business or politics call for it.  

***

Lots of love,

Edward Alex Lively


No comments:

Post a Comment